


Tentacles

by strangepromises (juliet)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Mezzanine AU, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-20
Updated: 2008-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliet/pseuds/strangepromises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lazy evenings at home.  With tentacles.</p><p>From synecdochic and ivorygates' Mezzanine AU, and written for <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/synecdochic/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/synecdochic/"><b>synecdochic</b></a>'s <a href="http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/279397.html">Holiday Wishes list thing</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tentacles

"Ow," Daniel said mildly.

"Well, if you will speak _vile calumnies_," Cammie said, from her position next to him on the couch. "Ain't no one else round here gonna defend my honour, after all."

JD, sprawled on his back on the floor in the middle of the living room, said lazily "Didn't know you had any honour left to defend, Mitchell."

Daniel smothered a grin, and Cammie hit him again.

"I didn't say anything!" he protested.

"You _laughed_," she pointed out. "And don't you think that you can get away with saying that just because you're all the way over there, Neilson. I may not be prepared to move right _now_, but don't you worry, I have a long memory."

"The laziness of advancing years, Mitchell. Very sad."

Cammie grabbed a cushion from beside her on the couch, and threw it, hard, across the room. It landed on JD's face, stifling his resulting laugh.

"Also I have _ammunition_," she said severely, "and advancing as the years may be, they have not as yet affected my aim, you sonovabitch. I swear, I'm going to sell you to the Marines. What'd'you think he'd fetch, Daniel baby?"

Daniel considered the matter. "Two dollars. If you dress him up nicely first. Anyway, if anyone round here has to worry about advancing years it's me."

"Aw," Cammie said, laying her head on his shoulder, "don't you worry baby, we'll look after you."

Daniel brightened up. "Does that mean someone will fetch me the icecream?" Some local customs he had found very easy to pick up.

"Try that over-energetic one over there," Cammie advised. "He was gonna get up in a minute anyway."

"My cue," JD said, bouncing to his feet and heading for the kitchen. His voice came back over his shoulder "Why was I going to get up in a minute anyway?"

"To come over and sit with us and use your sweet personality to convince me that I shouldn't sell you to the Marines for target practice."

"Ah," JD said, returning with a tub of icecream, "we might be out of luck on that. I am reliably and regularly informed - by you, on multiple occasions - that a sweet personality is one of the many things which I am sadly lacking."

"Also the common sense God gave little green apples, if you think that bringing just one tub of icecream through is a good idea," Cammie said, eyeing him in disgust.

"_Daniel_ expressed a wish for icecream," JD pointed out. "I didn't hear anyone else doing so." He opened the tub as he came across the room, and dug in with the spoon.

"Hey!" Daniel protested.

"What'll you trade me for it?" JD made threatening gestures towards the icecream with the spoon as he reached the couch.

"What do you want?" Daniel asked cagily.

"Remember, you're dealing with an expert negotiator here, Neilson," Cammie warned, eyes dancing. "You may be out of your league."

JD ignored her to wiggle a lascivious eyebrow at Daniel. "Well now, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement..."

"I hate to point this out, but you get that anyway," Daniel observed.

JD's eyes widened in mock-shock. "My god, you're right." He paused. "Obviously I haven't done so recently enough. I may need a reminder."

"I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement," Daniel said, snagging the icecream out of JD's hand as he leant in for a kiss.

"Now, that is just never going to stop being pretty," Cammie said with satisfaction, eyeing them happily and settling herself better against Daniel.

"We are not your personal peep show, Mitchell," JD said haughtily.

"Nope," Cammie agreed, "I've had the feed up on the net for weeks. Share and share alike, that's always been my motto." She removed the spoon from Daniel's hand and dug into the icecream, a move which Daniel regarded with resignation.

"In that case I feel less bad about my sideline in your used panties, Mitchell," JD retorted.

"Step three - profit?" Cammie asked.

Daniel, who still missed chunks of any conversation between JD and Cammie, though the percentages were getting better over time as they - corrupted him, as he put it, and educated him, as they preferred - took the opportunity to steal his spoon back.

"There is a need," he observed to the room at large, "for _more icecream_, before I'm forced to take drastic steps to protect my property."

"It only gets to be your property if it was your turn to put the online grocery order through," Cammie said with a decisive nod, reaching for the tub again. Daniel held it behind his head, out of her grasp.

"JD!" he appealed.

JD eyed the tub himself, but obviously thought better of it, and headed back to the kitchen. He returned brandishing a second tub of icecream and a bottle of vodka, both of which he dumped in Cammie's lap before returning to the kitchen.

"Neilson?" Cammie called after him. "Are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"I'm shocked at your outrageous implication that I'd do such a thing, Mitchell," JD called back. "Anyway, I wouldn't use the good vodka if I was."

"Yeah, I'm a cheap date," Cammie agreed.

JD returned again with yet more icecream, three glasses, and a laptop.

"No, I remembered that we haven't yet shown Daniel any of the tentacle porn."

"Oh god," Daniel moaned. "This cannot possibly, possibly be good."

"That's why you need the vodka, honeybaby," Cammie told him cheerfully as she poured a large glass.

"Can't I just have the vodka and use it to wipe out even the idea of tentacle porn without seeing any?" Daniel asked plaintively.

JD flopped on the floor in front of the sofa and Daniel's feet, hemming him in. He put his head back on Daniel's knee.

"No, Daniel, it is vitally important that you experience the full horror of how very wrong the internet is. Your brain is still distressingly unwarped. You need to catch up with Mitchell and me."

"I'm pretty sure you've made me experience the full horror of the internet before, and it never ends well."

"Apart from the bit where we get you drunk and take advantage of you," Cammie said, kissing him.

Daniel looked thoughtful, paused for a moment, and then knocked back the glass of vodka. "Bring on the tentacles."


End file.
